Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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