she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
