giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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