Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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