You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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