At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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