so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize