Your face is a jimmy john
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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