you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You can't motorboat a personality
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
