She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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