6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
