I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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