Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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