69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize