did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
