He kissed a someone with a penis
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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