My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
