I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
