I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
