singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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