Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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