3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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