I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
