I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
