last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
