Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
