your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize