I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
