please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
