he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
