So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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