i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
