I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
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We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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