I need help removing her.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
