oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
