woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
