you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
