guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
