I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We have started to decorate penises.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
