Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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