her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
