Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
