the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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