____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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