and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
