2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
