Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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