when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Acid is not a monday night drug
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
