So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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