Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
