Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
