you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
