Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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