is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
