Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
