So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
