just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
