Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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