I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize