i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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