just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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