spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
