Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
