It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
