I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
