Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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