Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
