I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
