I'm drive I can fine osifer
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
