All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
