This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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