So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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