did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
