yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
