I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
