Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
