And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
