Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
