Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
