you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
